Dee Gives Birth

"Dee Gives Birth" is the twelfth episode of the sixth season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Synopsis
Before Dee's baby arrives, The Gang tries to figure out who is the father by throwing a house party for all her former flings.

Recap
9:30 AM, On a Friday, Philadelphia, PA

and walk into Paddy's and dump what appears to be a filthy pile of mail on the bar, in front of  and Mac, who are immediately repulsed by its smell. Charlie and Frank announced that it's Paddy's mail, which they found in the sewer. The obvious follow up question of how the mail got in the sewer is answered when announces she's been throwing the mail in the sewer because no one ever opens it. The other obvious question is what exactly Frank and Charlie were doing in the sewer. They say they go down there "because you can find lots of stuff down there", and they stay clean by taking their clothes off. Dennis and Mac are so fascinated by their story of Charlie and Frank rooting around the sewer naked that they ignore Dee's attempt to get their attention at first, until she finally tells them that she has broken her water: her baby is on its way.

The gang takes Dee to the hospital, but as soon as she gets there, she tells the guys that they can go, and refuses to answer questions about who the father is. They offer to go "get the guy" for her, but again she refuses their help and asks them to just leave. Frank, Mac, and Charlie are fine with this, but Dennis points out that if there is no dad in the picture, the brunt of the responsibility for raising the child will fall on them, because "Dee is the most irresponsible person on the planet." They all decide they must find the dad. Dennis is drafted to stay at the hospital with Dee while the others go to find the dad.

At the hospital, Dennis finds Dee up on a rolling chair banging on the TV mounted high on the wall in the corner. Dennis makes her get down. Dee tells him she was trying to get the TV to work so she can watch her "stories." Dennis tells her that this is an example of how he'll have to do everything for the baby due to her irresponsibility, and that he is already irritated by the baby. He goes out to find the doctor, and Dee goes right back to the rolling chair to try to get the TV to work.

At Dennis and Mac's apartment, Ben and Bill Ponderosa sit on the couch, Ben eating chips, while the song "Informer" plays on a boom box. Bill looks confused, and asks where everyone else is, since he thought this was going to be a party. Another guest arrives: Rickety Cricket. When Mac asks who invited him, Frank says he did "as a wildcard". They call Bill into the bedroom to start interrogating him to see if he is the father of Dee's baby. Bill says that he's still with his wife, even after the disastrous ending of their affair (as shown on the episode Dennis Gets Divorced), and that he is a sex addict who's getting help now. He then offers them some coke. They then ask Bill if he likes condoms, and he says he hates them...which is why he had a vasectomy. Mac notices that he winked when he said that, and Bill then admits he didn't actually have a vasectomy: he'd tell the ladies that so they wouldn't make him wear a condom. He then offers them some of his coke, which Frank accepts.

Back at the hospital, Dennis is haranguing a nurse to get Dee into a room. The nurse tells him that there are no open rooms, but Dennis continues to demand a room, saying he will come down on the hospital "like the hammer of Thor" if they don't have a room for her soon. The nurse walks away, angry. Dee shows up, apparently having gone to Subway for a sandwich (in her gown, but wearing boots and carrying her purse.) They go back to the room and see an old man lying on the other bed in the room. The old man appears to be dead, and Dee wants Dennis to check if he's dead—and it turns out that he is. Dee demands that Dennis go get a nurse to remove the corpse from her room, but Dennis says that he's alienated all the nurses there, and again bemoans all the responsibly he's having to take on with this baby.

At the "party", Mac and Charlie are interviewing Ben. Ben tells them that he and Dee broke up about a year ago, but she still contacted him, "usually when she was drunk." Mac asks if these were booty calls, but Ben says she was just calling him up to insult him. They ask him if he's had sex with him since the breakup, and he tells them that she's "tricked" him "to give her sex", and he starts to cry, which freaks Mac and Charlie out. So far, no candidate has been eliminated.

Back out in the living room, it's starting to look like an actual party. More people are showing up, and Duncan (the weird guy from "Charlie Kelly: King of the Rats") is setting up turntables to act as a DJ, though Frank blows off his warning that the power outlet he's plugged into is going to blow. Charlie demands to know why Frank's "bridge friends" are here, and he says it's to make this into an actual party. He's also very high, but he's not quite sure what on. Lil' Kev (the rapper from "Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person") shows up, as does the ancient busboy from the Korean BBQ Dee banged in the episode "The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation" (who very enthusiastically accepts Bill's offer of some blow.)

At the hospital, Dee and Dennis are wheeling the old dead guy out of Dee's room in a wheelchair. They've put shades on him, as in the movie Weekend at Bernie's —also like the movie, Dennis makes the dead guy "wave" at people greeting him in the halls by attaching a string running from his arm to the dead guy's wrist. When they discuss what to do with him, Dee suggests simply throwing him in the trash—at which point the "dead" guy wakes up and says "Please don't put me in the trash." The nurse that Dennis was arguing with earlier stops them. At that point, Dee starts to go into labor, and she is rushed off to a delivery room. Dennis, however, is sent back to the waiting room.

At the party, Mac and Charlie are still trying to figure out who fathered Dee's baby. They run into Rex (from "America's Next Top Paddy's Billboard Model Contest") who tells a story similar to Ben's of Dee somehow managing to get him to have sex with her by berating and insulting him. (Mac and Charlie are surprised by this—and impressed.) Mac and Charlie look at the possible fathers of Dee's baby and decide that they're all basically a bunch of "animals" with no self-control, unfit to be a father (the scene at the apartment has degenerated into a wild coke party.) They decide that they would be better fathers for the baby than any of these people, and decide to take the task of raising the kids upon themselves. Mac and Charlie rush into the hospital to tell Dennis of their decision to help raise the baby. Dennis tells them he too has had a change of heart and wants to help raise the baby with them. Mac says that while this does step on their plans, it's just a matter of this going from a "My Two Dads" thing to a Three Men and a Baby thing. Frank comes charging in with the guests of the house party. Frank says that all these guys will take blood tests to determine the real dad, which Mac, Charlie, and Dennis, now set on raising the baby, oppose. Dee comes out with the baby (to "A Woman's Work" by Kate Bush, performed by Emma Ejwertz). Everyone waits for her to tell them who the father is. They notice that Carmen and her husband, Nick, are there, and Dee says that Carmen is the dad; she carried the baby as a surrogate for them, with a donor egg being fertilized by Carmen's sperm. Dennis, Charlie, and Mac are upset at first that their plans to be dads aren't going to be happen, but they agree Carmen and her husband will be far better parents than they would be. They all decide to return to Paddy's for a beer... and Frank and Charlie resume telling stories about walking around naked in the sewers as they leave.

Starring

 * Charlie Day as Charlie Kelly
 * Glenn Howerton as Dennis Reynolds
 * Rob McElhenney as Mac
 * Kaitlin Olson as Dee Reynolds
 * Danny DeVito as Frank Reynolds

Guest Starring

 * Cleo King as Nurse Wendy
 * David Hornsby as Cricket
 * Brittany Daniel as Carmen
 * Travis Schuldt as Ben (The Soldier)
 * Kyle Davis as Lil' Kev
 * Chad L. Coleman as Z
 * Lance Barber as Bill Ponderosa
 * Windell Middlebrooks as Nick
 * T.J. Hoban as Rex

Co-Starring

 * David Gueriera as Duncan
 * Maxie J. Santillan Jr. as Grizzled Busman
 * Ben Kronen as Mr. Craig
 * Stacy Hall as Orderly

Trivia

 * "This Woman's Work" by Emma Ejwertz (Original Song by Kate Bush) plays when the male part of the Gang sees Dee with a baby.
 * Frank hanging out in the sewer with Charlie is similar to Danny DeVito's Penguin character from Burton's "Batman Returns", who was raised into the sewer of Gotham City.
 * Dee will get her surrogate money from Nick and Carmen (30 thousands dollars) in 07x04.
 * Back in the previous season, Dee - unsuccessfully, though - was going to do the "surrogate thing", too.
 * In real life, Kaitlin Olson was giving birth to her and Rob McElhenney's first son at home.
 * Dee will actually venture into the sewers in the episode "Thunder Gun Express." (Mac would have too, but he was too fat at that point to get through the storm drain.)
 * Windell Middlebrook's character "Nick" appears for the last time on the show as he passed away on March 9, 2015.

Quotes
"Rings, coins, nudity - that's all part of the fun."

- charlie

"If you do not get my sister her stories and a new room as soon as possible, THEN I WILL COME DOWN ON THIS HOSPITAL LIKE THE HAMMER OF THOR. THE THUNDER OF MY VENGEANCE WILL ECHO THROUGH THESE CORRIDORS LIKE THE GUST OF A THOUSAND WINDS!!"

- dennis