The Gang Gets Quarantined

"The Gang Gets Quarantined" is the seventh episode of the ninth season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Synopsis
When a severe flu outbreak sweeps Philadelphia the gang voluntarily quarantine themselves inside of Paddy's in an attempt to keep their singing voices pristine for an upcoming competition, although they have trouble adhering to the strict rules they've set for themselves.

Recap
11:30AM on a Monday At the pub, Charlie, Mac, Dee and Dennis are practicing their a capella harmonies, hoping to win a spot opening for the band Boyz II Men in concert. Frank storms through the door, announcing that his and Charlie's elderly neighbor has just died to an influenza epidemic sweeping Philadelphia. Frank insists that the gang must quarantine themselves inside Paddy's until the epidemic is over, and realizing that they wouldn't be able to sing while sick with the flu, the rest of the gang agrees.

Some ground rules are quickly laid down. Nothing can come in or out of Paddy's for the duration of the quarantine, and no alcohol is to be consumed, to ensure that the gang's vocal cords (and immune systems) stay in good shape.

Dennis breaches the quarantine by ordering and eating a pizza. Afraid that Dennis has been infected, Frank locks him inside the toilet, a quarantine within the quarantine. Becoming increasingly neurotic, Frank insists that the gang eat only food with natural coverings, such as oranges. Mac and Charlie are sent to the store (in hazmat suits) to retrieve such food items. Mac rips his suit at the store. Meanwhile at the pub, Frank catches Dee in the act of eating food and drinking beer she had stashed in the office ceiling, and forces her to join Dennis in the toilet. Dennis is by this point visibly very ill.

Frank decides to shave off all his bodily hair, believing this will help repel germs. While playing charades, Mac sneezes. Charlie quickly admits that Mac's suit was ripped at the store, and Mac also is forced to enter the toilet. Dennis and Dee are ill to the point of vomiting.

Charlie eventually voluntarily joins the others in double-quarantine, having grown tired of Frank's unsolicited attempts to shave him. Charlie doesn't believe that the others will infect him, him having been vaccinated "every month" by his mother as a child.

The next day, Charlie is as sick as the others. He produces some cleaning agent bottles from under the sink, which he had previously filled with whiskey, and the gang all get drunk, having resigned themselves to their illnesses. To their surprise, they recover completely within a few hours, never actually having been sick with the flu, but rather all suffering the effects of severe alcohol withdrawal. Charlie reveals that he has a key to the door, and the gang all leave the toilet. They find Frank face-down on the floor, almost naked, completely shaved and covered from head to toe in hand sanitizer, exclaiming that he "just wants to be pure".

The gang drive Frank to the hospital, ending their six-day quarantine, where they are informed that the Boyz II Men concert has been cancelled due to the band falling sick with the flu.

Starring

 * Charlie Day as Charlie Kelly
 * Glenn Howerton as Dennis Reynolds
 * Rob McElhenney as Mac
 * Kaitlin Olson as Dee Reynolds
 * Danny DeVito as Frank Reynolds

Guest Starring

 * Jim O'Heir as Doctor

Co-Starring

 * Bruce Wexler as Male Nurse

Trivia

 * Frank parodies Marlon Brando's character from Apocalypse Now, Colonel Walter E. Kurtz, in this episode.
 * The Gang sings an a cappella version of the song "MotownPhilly" By Boyz II Men. This is the 4th time that the gang sings together as an a cappella group (previously in The Gang Goes Jihad, Paddy's Pub: The Worst Bar in Philadelphia and The Gang Recycles Their Trash).
 * This episode confirms that Dennis, Dee, Mac and Charlie are alcoholics, as they suffered severe alcohol withdrawals during the quarantine.
 * The story that Dee invented concerning a fake stutter she developed during a tour in Iraq is a reference to the real life Tim Poe - an America's got Talent contestant who allegedly lied about a stutter he got from a war injury. Her line about her "daddy" getting throat cancer from "bad pussy" is probably a reference to Michael Douglas blaming his throat cancer on contracting the HPV virus from cunnilingus.

Quotes
"I'm in perfect control of my body. Just like I am of my voice. I can go from flaccid to erect at a moment's notice."

- dennis

"Buddy, you're seeing it. You're all seeing it, 'cause I'm doing it right now. Flaccid. Erect. Flaccid. Erect. Flaccid. Erect. Not too hard. Not too soft."

- dennis

"I just wanna be pure."

- frank