Dennis and Dee Go on Welfare

"Dennis and Dee Go on Welfare" is the third episode of the second season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Synopsis
Dennis and Dee quit their jobs to pursue their dreams, but when Mac reminds them that unemployment runs out eventually, Dennis and Dee get hooked on crack cocaine so they can apply for welfare. Meanwhile, Frank hires two new workers under the "Work for Welfare" program and Charlie and Mac go on a spending spree with the money in Frank's secret bank account.

Recap
4:30 PM on a Wednesday

Frank has become increasingly bossy as the new owner of Paddy's Pub. So bossy, in fact, that Dennis and Dee decide to quit their bar tending jobs so they can pursue their life dreams. They find out that they can make more money while from Unemployment Benefits than they did at the bar, so they take some time off. Mac reminds them that unemployment only lasts for a short while, so Dennis and Dee apply for welfare. When the caseworker asks to see their blood work to prove that Dennis is addicted to crack, the siblings decide to buy crack so they can expedite their blood work. After smoking crack, they get addicted and miss their appointment to have their blood tested.

Meanwhile, Mac and Charlie are stuck doing all the work at Paddy's. Mac brings a government program to Frank's attention - "Work for Welfare". The program allows companies to employ welfare recipients while the government pays them. The three start behaving as if the workers are slaves. When Frank finds out they are boring people, he fires them.

Angered by Frank trying to be their friend after hiring the 'slaves', Mac and Charlie steal money out of Frank's secret bank account in Charlie's name. They throw an extravagant party with hookers, but when Frank places a hold on the account, they must run away from the hookers. In the alley behind Paddy's, the entire gang runs into each other. Frank gives his children Charlie's old job and promotes Charlie to manager. When the others ask why they haven't been rewarded, Frank says its because Mac is just a "follower" and Dennis and Dee are "crackheads."

Dennis and Dee still shiver and sweat, addicted to crack.

Alliances

 * Charlie and Mac - Go on a spending spree to spend Frank's money.
 * Dennis and Dee - After quitting their jobs they team up to scam welfare.

Starring

 * Charlie Day as Charlie Kelly
 * Glenn Howerton as Dennis Reynolds
 * Rob McElhenney as Mac
 * Kaitlin Olson as Dee Reynolds
 * Danny DeVito as Frank Reynolds

Guest Starring

 * Joanna Sanchez as Maria
 * Eddie Pepitone as Tony
 * Aisha Hinds as Caseworker

Co-Starring

 * Keith Bullard as Drug Dealer
 * Zoe Bournelis as Hooker #1
 * Rachael Platt as Hooker #2

Trivia

 * The song that Dennis and Dee listen to on their stoop is "Just a Friend" by Biz Markie.
 * The Drug Dealer that sells Dennis crack later returns in Season 9's "Gun Fever Too: Still Hot" to sell Dennis an assault rifle.
 * Unemployment benefits in Philadelphia expire after two weeks unless the recipient can prove they are actively looking for work, which explains why Dennis and Dee move from unemployment to welfare so quickly.

Quotes

 * Charlie: I'm gonna get nice and drunk, play some video games until my eyes bleed...


 * Charlie: (talking about "slaves") Do you have, like, a "face book" or anything?


 * Dennis: (speaking to the welfare office clerk) Hi. I'm a recovering crack-head. This is my retarded sister that I take care of. I'd like some welfare, please.


 * Dee: Ooh, and I got a Jesus chain!


 * Drug Dealer: Whatcha need
 * Dennis: Uh, one please.
 * Drug Dealer: One what?
 * Dennis: Uh, one rock of crack, a crack rock. Is that enough? Is one crack rock enough?
 * Dee: How much would you recommend for a first time user?


 * Dee: Dennis, when you become a veterinarian will you buy me new head shots, please?!