The Gang Gets Whacked (Part 2)

"The Gang Gets Whacked (Part 2)" is the thirteenth episode of the third season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Synopsis
The gang must find a way to avoid getting "whacked" when their plans to pay off mobsters for missing cocaine go awry.

Recap
Dee and Charlie are in the back office of Paddy's, weighing some cocaine. Charlie keeps licking it off of his fingers. Dee accuses him of "getting high off the supply", and tells him that they've got to be careful with the stuff due to their past addictions (Dee to crack, Charlie to huffing glue). Charlie denies that he is still addicted to huffing glue, but he is curiously silent when Dee demands to know if he's huffed glue today.

Frank and Dennis enter the bar. Frank has some money, which Dennis demands he give over, but Frank refuses, because he is now Dennis' pimp, and "every ho needs a pimp." Dee and Charlie come in, asking if they have any vials. They explain where they got the cocaine: they used the money they got selling the pills to buy some of the coke back from Bingo. Frank tells them that they should get a gun, because drug dealing is dangerous, but Charlie and Dee seem to think that because cocaine is a "rich person's drug", selling it will be very easy and very safe. When Dennis condemns Dee and Charlie for being drug dealers, Dee counters that at least they're not prostitutes. Dennis starts to deny this, but Frank starts speaking for him, and tells him that he is "taking care of his boy".

The gangsters are playing poker. Mac comes in wearing the same type of track suits they are, and trying to speak like them in a truly horrid fake Italian accent, saying things like "youse guys." Mac wants to go to Paddy's and "put the squeeze on them", but the other guys would rather keep playing poker, and they ask him to go wash their cars. Mac says he is being underused, and he wants a chance to prove how "hard" he is and how he will "explode all over" people. The mobsters are horrified by the sexual undertones of what he's saying ("What are ya talkin' about, your dick?") When Mac says he is only talking about his "cat-like reflexes", he is given a nickname: "Pussy Hands."

Dee and Charlie, dressed in business suits, stand in front of an office building, trying to sell their cocaine. Charlie suggests that they need to "rev up", so they should use a bit of the cocaine. When Dee looks like she's going to sniff it, Charlie says that she shouldn't do that, since that's how you become an addict. Rather, she should rub it on her gums. They both do that and become quite hyper and wired. Charlie says they should "gum it" every 10 minutes or so, but Dee tells him they'll become addicted if they do.

They then spot Rickety Cricket, and rush over to him. He is in clerical garb, which makes them think he's back in the priesthood...until some people walking by drop spare change in a cup he holds. They realize that this means that he is now homeless. He tells them that since they convinced him to leave the priesthood, his life has been in a "tailspin." Charlie, seizing an opportunity, asks Cricket if he knows any drug addicts, to which he responds that he does. Dee asks him to help them sell their cocaine. Charlie offers to let Cricket stay at Dee's place if he agrees to help them sell their cocaine. Cricket agrees.

At the country club, Frank flashes his solid-gold pimp chalice. Frank points out Dennis' latest "Jane"—a hideous old woman. Frank agrees that Dennis doesn't have to kiss her. Dennis asks Frank if he was the one that set up the "ass play" on his last trick—Frank says that wasn't him.

At Dee's apartment, Charlie and Dee are boh totally wired out of their mind on their cocaine. Dee is paranoid, thinking that Cricket has stolen their money. But then he shows up with his belongings in a couple of garbage bags. Dee seems unaware that he's been told he can move in. Cricket tells them he's sold the drugs, and tosses them a large stack of cash, more than enough to pay the Mob back. Charlie and Dee instead decide to buy more coke with the money. They approach Cricket about going out and selling another batch, and he refuses. He says he is tired, and then Charlie and Dee introduce him to gumming coke.

Dennis prepares for another "date". Dennis asks where they're going for dinner, and Frank tells him there will be no more dinners -- "It's straight to bangin' at this point." He shows Dennis an ad he's taken out. The ad shows Dennis in a provocative pose, shirtless, promising "Bodywork by Dennis." When Dennis protests that the ad "makes me seem like a whore", Frank reminds him that he is a whore. Dennis tells Frank that he understood there would be rules to what they do, but when Frank says he can have rules, Dennis points out that the ad specifically says "No Rules." When Dennis tries to leave, Frank starts smacking him around, but then tells Dennis that he will "take care of him."

Meanwhile, Dee and Charlie search for Rickety Cricket to see if he has sold more drugs. Charlie wears a horse riding outfit, apparently dead set on buying a horse. They find Cricket, pantsless and bleeding from the nose, standing behind a pair of garbage cans. He tells him that he is working on a "musical" and that he has sold the drugs. When Dee and Charlie ask for the money, he says he spent the money on some "sweet-ass kettle drums"—the two trash cans. They have only a tiny amount of cocaine left now.

At a seedy motel, Frank sets up a trick for Dennis, with another disgusting woman. Frank tells the woman that Dennis will "do anything with the ass."

Mac is scrubbing a urinal at the mob's hangout when he sees Don Sal, the mob boss. Mac tells Don Sal that he is not being utilized properly. He tells Don Sal he wants to do some "mobster shit". Don Sal asks him to do a "personal favor" for him—go over to his house and "take care" of his wife. Mac asks if he means he wants him to "rub out" Don Sal's wife, or bang her, and he is told it's nothing like that. We find out soon what it is: cleaning out her gutters.

Inside Don Sal's house, Dennis is dancing for Don Sal's wife, a hugely fat woman. Mac sees this and asks to speak to him. Mac tells Dennis he can't possibly want to bang her, but Dennis, who seems brainwashed, says that "you have to take yourself out of the situation." Frank charges in, trying to drive Mac away. Mac tells Dennis he both doesn't have to do this and shouldn't because she's the mob boss' wife, but Frank says he does. They both start smacking Dennis around, and when the mob boss' wife comes downstairs, Dennis snaps out of it and leaves.

Back at Paddy's, as the deadline draws near, they decide to "cut" the tiny bit of cocaine they still have with flour to try to fool the Mob. But Charlie clumsily dumps an entire bag of flour over the coke, ruining it. They decide to run off: Charlie tells Dee it will be "just you, me, and Peter Nincompoop". When Dee asks who Peter Nicompoop is, he takes her out back, and shows that he has stolen the horse he bonded with from the track. Dee tells Charlie that they can't use a horse to escape, so Charlie sends off the horse. They go back in and start shoveling enormous amounts of flour into their faces, hoping that at least some of the coke will come through.

Frank and Mac enter, Frank waving his gun. Rickety Cricket is there, working on his "musical". Charlie and Dee show up with the fake coke, their faces covered with flour. Mac tells them that they have pissed off the mob boss' wife because they wouldn't bang her, so they should be prepared. Dee and Charlie also reveal that they have guns.

The mobsters show up, asking for their money or their drugs. Frank, Dee, and Charlie pull their guns and the mobsters pull theirs. It looks like a standoff will develop until Dennis comes in. Dennis reveals he has the $25,000, which he got by selling Frank's pimp chalice. The mobsters count the money and say that the debt has been paid. Just as they're leaving, however, Don Sal's phone rings. A very upset Don Sal says it was his wife, and he demands that Mac tells him "which one of Pussy Hands' friends tried to force himself on her." Mac says he has no idea who it was, and Don Sal concludes it must be him. At that moment, however, Rickety Cricket, who's been working on his musical, exclaims "I did it, and I made it so sexy!" The Gang uses the opportunity to pin it on Cricket, and the mobsters carry him off to do something unpleasant to him. The Gang decides to have some beers, having learned absolutely nothing from their experience. As usual.

In a final shot, we see Cricket, both legs in casts, continuing to drum on his trash cans as Peter Nincompoop runs completely free in the street behind him.

Starring

 * Charlie Day as Charlie Kelly
 * Glenn Howerton as Dennis Reynolds
 * Rob McElhenney as Mac
 * Kaitlin Olson as Dee Reynolds
 * Danny DeVito as Frank Reynolds

Guest Starring

 * Joe Cortese as Sal
 * David Hornsby as Matthew Mara "Rickety Cricket"

Co-Starring

 * Mario Di Donato as Lefty
 * Karen James as Frannie (Sal's Wife)

Uncredited

 * John Mariano as Johnny
 * James Price, Jr. as Anthony

Trivia

 * Charlie's horse is named "Peter Nincompoop".
 * This is Rickety Cricket's second appearance on the series, but his first as a homeless person due to the consequences of him leaving the priesthood in "The Gang Exploits A Miracle."
 * This is the first and only episode that begins directly with the episode name instead of a cold opening. And like the other second episode of a two parter ("Mac and Charlie Die"), it doesn't begin with the time and day either. (In its original airing, parts 1 and 2 ran on the same night.)
 * "No getting high on the supply" is similar to one of the rules of drug dealing that Frank Lopez tells Tony Montana in the movie Scarface.

Quotes
(Dennis has become a male prostitute and talks to Frank, who is now his pimp) 

Dennis: This time, nothing with the ass. Because that got really weird last time.

Frank: What are you talking about?

Dennis: You didn't set up that ass play on the last one?

Frank: No. I never set up any ass play.

Dennis: All right. Well. You might want to set up a doctor's appointment anyway just to be— just to be safe.