The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby

"The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby" is the first episode of the third season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Synopsis
Dennis joins up with an environmentalist group but his altruistic intentions quickly sour when he's snubbed by the activists. Meanwhile, Mac and Dee try to care for a baby boy they found in the Dumpster and Charlie and Frank become dumpster divers.

Recap
4:30 PM on a Wednesday

In the alley behind Paddy's Dennis tells Dee and Mac about the film An Inconvenient Truth. Mac throws his soda cup on the ground and Dennis chastises him. Dennis opens a dumpster to throw the cup away and finds a baby inside.

In Paddy's the gang debates on what to do with the baby and Mac enlists himself and Dee to watch out for it until they decide what to do. Frank refuses to take a paternity test to see if he is Charlie's father.

At the garbage dump Dennis attempts to help sort for recyclables but a "hippie" named Sage tells him off. Dennis tells Frank and Charlie it is time to leave but they are enjoying finding Alibaba swords and other "valuables."



In Dee's apartment, Mac and Dee argue over baby responsibilities, ending with Mac drinking a beer, telling Dee off, and going to sleep. At Charlie's apartment Charlie and Frank toss and turn in bed, obsessed with finding more awesome things in the trash.

At a volunteering headquarters Dennis is told off yet again by Sage for being a poser. He then shows them a giant bag of weed he wanted to share with them, peaking Asriel's interest. Behind the coffee shop Frank and Charlie dig through the trash "straight at the source" finding a potential shower radio, electrics, and jackets. The Waitress makes a trash run and the duo take the garbage straight from her.

Tired of taking care of the baby after just a few days, Mac and Dee consider leaving the baby on the side of the street when a passerby tells them it could be a Gerber Baby. They take "D.B." to a talent agent who tells them only Hispanic babies are desired for commercials. They take D.B. to a tanning salon where the "orange asshole" refuses to let them tan the baby.



At a rally to save some trees, Dennis offers to chain himself to a tree to be the hero. Jealous that his girlfriend Asriel is impressed with Dennis, Sage offers to chain himself instead. The rain starts and Sage realizes Asriel has left with Dennis. Dennis and Asriel drop acid and bang. Charlie and Frank, meanwhile, have collected so much trash in their apartment they have no room to sleep. They sleep on the street and move to a dumpster when the rain starts, where they converse about Frank's paternity. Frank tells Charlie that Bonnie Kelly had an abortion, so he is positive Charlie is not his son. Charlie confronts his mother who informs him that he survived the abortion and she didn't tell Frank.



The next morning, Dennis finds Sage still chained to the tree and unchains him. He lures Sage away from the tree and seemingly congratulates him for saving it, but then signals a bulldozer to cut it down. Dennis then humiliates Sage even further by telling him he slept with Asriel and walks off. Charlie steals D.B. from Dee's apartment and confronts The Waitress, accusing her that D.B. is her love child with Frank. She tells him it's impossible because she slept with Frank three months prior. Charlie leaves and the Waitress calls Child Protection Services. At Paddy's Charlie confronts Frank with the same accusation, and reveals that he survived the abortion. As they argue, Dee and Mac paint D.B. brown with shoe polish. Dennis brags about his success with the hippies and finds the Alibaba sword and Frank and Charlie grab for it, dangerously close to D.B.. as the Child Protection Services caseworker walks in.

Alliances
to make him a star.
 * Mac and Dee become adoptive parents for D.B. and try
 * Charlie and Frank become dumpster divers together.

Starring

 * Charlie Day as Charlie Kelly
 * Glenn Howerton as Dennis Reynolds
 * Rob McElhenney as Mac
 * Kaitlin Olson as Dee Reynolds
 * Danny DeVito as Frank Reynolds

Guest Starring

 * Mary Elizabeth Ellis as Waitress
 * Lynne Marie Stewart as Charlie's Mom
 * Todd Grinnell as Sage
 * Jackie Tohn as Asriel
 * Lucy DeVito as Woman

Co-Starring

 * Danny Hill as Tan Clerk
 * Isaac Gabaeff as Mountain the Hippie
 * Kate Mulligan as Brenda (Baby Agent)

Trivia

 * "Riders on the Storm" by The Doors starts playing at 14:48.
 * The girl that compliments the Dumpster Baby in the street is Danny DeVito's daughter.

Quotes

 * Frank: What the hell is that?!!
 * Mac: It's a baby we found in the trash.
 * Frank: Well put it back, it doesn't belong to you!


 * Mac: Are you happy, Dee? Is this what you wanted? You just gave this baby full-blown AIDS!!!


 * Charlie: Dude, it's amazing. Look at this. Bro, you could chop a camel right in the hump and drink all of its milk right off the tip of this thing.


 * Charlie: Ooh hello. Look who it is, the girl who ruined my life, falling in love with my best friend and having sex with this guy right here!
 * Frank: Hey, how ya doing?
 * The Waitress: Gross, and grosser.


 * Dee: I have an idea...
 * Mac: I'm three steps ahead of you. We need to make Dumpster Baby a star!
 * Dee: Exactly!
 * Mac: This is exactly what I'm talking about. We can't just put it back into a corrupt system! We have an opportunity to give it a real future here!
 * Dee: Yes, by making it a star!
 * Mac: And who have better lives than child stars?
 * Dee: Nobody...
 * Mac: Nobody! They're rich, famous, they have it all!
 * Dee: They're the happiest people on earth!
 * Mac: (speaking directly to the Dumpster Baby) D.B., my main man, you got tossed into the right dumpster!


 * Frank: After we made love, she did get pregnant. But she had an abortion.
 * Charlie: Really?
 * Frank: Yeah, yeah.
 * Charlie: Well, are you sure she went through with it, dude? 'Cause she probably didn't tell you.
 * Frank: She probably went right from the clinic and banged some guy and got knocked up, because your mother was a giant whore.


 * Tanning Employee: You want to put your baby into a tanning bed?
 * Mac: We just want to put him in there for a couple of minutes.
 * Dee: Just to get a base.
 * Mac: [exaggerated] Just to get a base.

From alternate take: