A Woman's Right to Chop

"A Woman's Right to Chop" is the ninth episode of the fourteenth season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Synopsis
When a trendy new hair salon opens up right next door to Paddy's, Dennis and Frank go on the offensive to stop women from cutting off their hair. Meanwhile, Mac is reunited with his childhood dog Poppins.

Recap
While sitting in the bar like they always do, the male members of the Gang express their disdain for the haircuts women are getting at a nearby salon. Dee takes offense to this. Poppins runs in and is immediately scooped up by Mac. They link the issue of Poppins constantly running out on Mac to the issue of women with short hair. Dennis throws a glass at the wall when another short-haired woman walks in.

Charlie and Mac take Poppins to the vet when Mac notices that Poppins's stomach is distended. The vet tells them not to feed Poppins coffee or to blast him with an airhorn. As it turns out, Poppins is pregnant. The vet tries to explain gender to Charlie. She also tells them that Poppins will not survive if she gives birth. Mac immediately chooses to get Poppins a dog abortion.

Dennis and Frank try to stop women from getting their hair cut by handing out flyers in front of the salon, using Keri Russell as an example. Dee tells them to leave the women alone because they have to be sad; otherwise, they wouldn't be doing it. After a bit more arguing, Dee decides to get her hair cut even though she knows it won't look good on her.

Back at Charlie's apartment, Mac and Charlie try to seek an abortion for Poppins. Because they keep using he/him pronouns for Poppins, they keep getting rejected. Frank rushes in, having gastrointestinal problems and panicking about how Dee is going to cut off her hair. He tells Mac that he knows a guy who can perform the abortion.

Frank takes Dee to a car lot. He reveals that he got his hair cut short after growing it out for years, and that the owner of the lot now wears that hair as a toupee. Unfortunately, his hair never grew back and now he has psychosomatic GI problems whenever he thinks about it. He doesn't want Dee to make the same mistakes he did. Frank tries to buy Dee a car to keep her from cutting her hair, but she says she won't.

Mac and Charlie meet with Z, who is involved in the "dog business" (for lack of a better term). Z breeds, grooms, and fights dogs. Wonder of all wonders, the real Poppins runs up to steal a blanket from the dog the two of them assumed was Poppins.

Dennis storms into the salon and bumbles his way through a conversation where he tries to get a haircut. (He doesn't actually want a haircut.) He was under the impression that this salon only cut women's hair, but that wasn't the case. As it turns out, the fake Poppins belongs to the salon worker, who has been looking for the dog. The two of them strike up a deal. In return for Mac returning the dog, the salon owner can't cut Dee's hair.

Dee reveals her new haircut, which is admittedly not a good look for her. She did it herself after the salon refused to serve her. The guys pretend like they don't actually care about the hair. Sympathetic, Frank takes her to get a wig from Z. It's made of border collie hair.

Starring

 * Charlie Day as Charlie Kelly
 * Glenn Howerton as Dennis Reynolds
 * Rob McElhenney as Mac
 * Kaitlin Olson as Dee Reynolds
 * Danny DeVito as Frank Reynolds

Guest Starring

 * Andree Vermeulen as Vet
 * Lilan Bowden as Sara
 * Chad L. Coleman as Z

Co-Starring

 * Sophia Del Pizzo as Rebecca
 * Paloma Rabinov as Britney
 * Phil Idrissi as Salesman

Trivia
TBA