Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life

"Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life" is the ninth episode of the fourth season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Synopsis
Dennis plans on publishing an account of his sexual exploits. In order to avoid the embarrassment of his many falsehoods being published he ends up in a rehab facility along with comedian Sinbad and "Matchbox 20" frontman Rob Thomas. Mac and Frank attempt to get "Jon Bon Jovi" on board to help authenticate the book while Dennis is incarcerated. Frank makes an insincere offer to buy the local football team "The Philadelphia Soul" owned by Bon Jovi and Mac pretends to have cancer in an attempt to seal the deal. Meanwhile, Charlie and Dee try on each other's lives for size. Dee has to eat cat food and huff glue and Charlie tries stand-up comedy.

Recap
11:00PM on a Monday

Dee is quizzing Charlie about his activities in the crawl space in the bar, he defends his actions as he was minding his own business doing some light reading and... putting cheese in rat traps. Also, eating the old cheese out of the rat traps to test why the rats were not eating said cheese. We also establish Charlie likes to acquire coins out of the fountain at Logan Circle to pay his spy, who spies on the waitress for him.

The light reading previously mentioned was Dennis' memoirs, a book with all his sexual exploits. He planned to unleash it upon the world in a fiery blaze of eroticism before it mysteriously went missing. Dennis wanted to know what Charlie was doing with it. Dee points out that Charlie cannot read therefore, leading to the conclusion Charlie was masturbating to the pictures.

Charlie yells at Dee for riding him and tells her to walk a mile in his shoes as his life is tough- so Dee agrees.

Dennis begins to read a tale from his book to Mac and Frank, causing Frank to get all 'boned up'. They suggest Dennis sells the book, he agrees but does not want them involved as they always get over excited and then give up once they hit the first speed bump. Mac is enthusiastic about releasing the book but feels Dennis is open to litigation because half the stories are total bullshit such as: Dennis being the personal sex advisor to Jon Bon Jovi and waking up in a rehab facility with the wounds of Christ miraculously appearing on his hands and feet. Mac suggests Dennis re-creates the stories to make them to true so people can’t prove they didn’t happen.

Back in Charlie’s apartment, Dee is getting prepared to metaphorically walk in Charlie’s shoes. Firstly, she must wear one of his ‘outfits’ as it serves as a specific purpose- he doesn’t have heating ducts in the apartment, so it keeps him warm. Secondly, if Dee needs to pee she has to use the piss pot. Thirdly, Dee must huff a little glue, drink some beer, and eat a tin of cat food- it causes some weird chemical reaction that makes you feel extremely sick and tired so you’re able to fall asleep. This is because there will be 50 howling cats outside the window all night long because of the 10,000 rats running around the building. Frank enters the apartment and carries out the nightly routine then sleeps ass to ass with Charlie. Dee can’t sleep, so she ventures out into the hallway, to find some freaky shit- she runs back to the apartment to find frank pissing in the piss pot, so she wolfs down some cat food.

The next morning Charlie wakes Dee up and tells her she had a glue overdose and says it’s a regular occurrence in his daily life. Dee frustrated yells at Charlie and says that huffing glue, eating cheese, and chasing rats are not real-life problems and suggests he tries a day in her shoes.

Its night-time at the rehab facility and Mac is encouraging Dennis to hang out there for a couple of days while he and Frank get the ball rolling with Bon Jovi. Frank has a nail gun to give Dennis the wounds of Christ but as Dennis refuses, he ends up knocking him out with the nail gun instead.

Dee and Charlie are at a comedy club where Dee is going to perform as she does every night. She bombs and dry heaves as usual. Charlie is up next on stage; he talks about cheese and heaves too.

Dennis wakes up confused in a facility in bed wearing a hospital gown with nail gun wounds to his hands, being flicked in the nose by Sinbad and being sniffed by Rob Thomas from Matchbox 20.

Back at Paddy’s, Frank has managed to secure a meeting with Bon Jovi’s Executive to buy The Philadelphia Soul, The Arena Football Team off him. Mac ecstatically suggests that he ought to come too and pretend he has terminal cancer so Bon Jovi can do an acoustic set on his deathbed. Frank says it’s a stupid idea, but Mac already has a bald-cap guy and everything.

Frank makes an offer to Bon Jovi’s team for $40million, however they seem to be confused about why he chose to involve Mac who is sitting in a wheelchair wearing a bald cap. Mac’s lie is uncovered as the executive exclaims with chemotherapy, beard hair falls out too.

Dennis calls Mac and Frank for help but they blow him off, like Dennis said they would. Dennis continues to write in his memoirs before being interrupted by Sinbad.

Dee takes Charlie to the water fountain to show him that she goes there to throw money in and wishes for a better life, but since realising that Charlie has been stealing the money to pay for spies, essentially stealing her dreams- she climbs in to get her dreams back. Charlie jumps in after Dee, and they continue to argue.

Frank brings Mac to the same fountain both wearing long wigs, to show Mac what he does in a day. Frank explains he comes to the fountain at this time of day to piss in the fountain to get back at the bullies from 50 years ago.

Dennis comes running around the corner and throws himself over the wall of the fountain to have a drink because it does wonders for his skin and has healing powers, he finds the gang and tells them about his ordeal. They don’t believe him, and they want proof for the memoirs. Dennis escorts them to the ‘rehab centre’ but turns out it is a garage that he broke into and has been calling the mechanics Sinbad and Rob Thomas whilst ranting about his memoirs. Frank thinks the blow to the head did a little more damage than he thought.

The gang leave the garage, leaving Dennis bewildered.

Starring

 * Charlie Day as Charlie Kelly
 * Glenn Howerton as Dennis Reynolds
 * Rob McElhenney as Mac
 * Kaitlin Olson as Dee Reynolds
 * Danny DeVito as Frank Reynolds

Guest Starring

 * Rob Thomas as Himself
 * Sinbad as Himself
 * Lisa Locicero as Philadelphia Soul Executive

Co-Starring

 * Lawrence Mandley as Black Dude
 * Cantrell Harris as Orderly
 * Rob Khakh as Movie Patron
 * Jesse Caron as White Guy
 * Roberto Raad as First Comic on Stage
 * Alexandra Sceales-Smith as Twin Girl #1
 * Tegan Sceales-Smith as Twin Girl #2
 * Patrick Walsh as The MC

Trivia



 * The audience member who shouts "Jesus Christ" at when she's on stage doing stand up, is actually Glenn Howerton.
 * There are illustrations in Dennis' memoirs book. Charlie was truly enjoyed them - really hard and very vigorously (like in "The Aluminum Monster vs. Fatty Magoo" episode).
 * This is one of the longest episodes of Sunny ever (together with 02x04, 02x10 and 06x11).
 * This episode (with production code IP04005) was supposed to contain a scene where Charlie and Dee were stalking the Waitress: here's how Dee learns about Charlie's "stalking notebook", and then she stealing it right BEFORE "Who Pooped the Bed?" (IP04007).
 * This is the second time someone's tried to achieve something by pretending to have cancer. However, due to Mac's ignorant execution, it fails immediately.
 * We first learned that Frank and Charlie sleep "ass-to-ass" in their bed in the episode "Who Pooped the Bed?"
 * The twins Sweet Dee sees in the hallway of Charlie's apartment complex is a reference to Stanley Kubrick's The Shining.
 * Dennis will actually attempt to make a movie of his erotic memoirs in the Season 11 episode "Dee Made a Smut Film".
 * The movie Mac and Frank see is Three Coins in the Fountain, which has throwing coins into a fountain to make a wish as a major plot point.
 * When Charlie hands Sweet Dee sleeping clothes he states there are no heating ducts in the apartment. In the episode "The Gang Squashes Their Beefs" Charlie explains that the heat is broken and Wang will not fix the heat until Frank pays him.
 * When Dee is in the hallway outside Charlie's apartment, a couple can be heard arguing in Greek.
 * This episode reveals that everybody except Mac visits the fountain every day for various reasons: Dee throws coins in it so her dreams will come true, Charlie steals coins to pay someone to spy on the Waitress, Frank pisses in it to get back at his bullies and their kids, and Dennis uses the water for its "healing powers" on his skin.

Quotes

 * : (referring to his memoir) Charlie, what the hell were you doing with it?
 * : Well, uh, since he can't read, I'm guessing he was masturbating to your pictures.


 * : You know what, what are you doing to me? Why are you doing this? You've been riding me, now your accusing me of things, and you just don't get it. You don't know why I do the things that I do. It's nuts! You don't know how hard I got it, Dee
 * : This is some sweet smut! I'm all boned up over here!
 * : In case you have to pee pee, I got this for ya.
 * : No wonder it reeks in here Charlie, you have open cans of pee everywhere!!!
 * : In case you have to pee pee, I got this for ya.
 * : No wonder it reeks in here Charlie, you have open cans of pee everywhere!!!


 * : Eat one of these, you're gonna wanna huff a little glue and drink some beer...
 * : This is cat food, Charlie...
 * : I have fifty cats howling outside my window because I have ten thousand rats running around my building!
 * : Stop yelling, you're spitting cat food at me...
 * : I'm not an idiot, there's a reason to do the things that I do...
 * : (while peeing into a tin can) Ocupado...
 * : Wake up! Let's go... Time to start the day, time to get up!!!
 * : Howdy howdy howdy... How's everybody doing tonight? So you guys, whats the deal with those hands-free headsets that everybody's wearing in their ears? (retch) It's like hey everybody look at me, I'm one part robot and three parts asshole (retch).
 * Audience Member: Jesus, Christ!!!
 * : I mean am I right or am I (retch) screw it....
 * : Howdy howdy howdy... How's everybody doing tonight? So you guys, whats the deal with those hands-free headsets that everybody's wearing in their ears? (retch) It's like hey everybody look at me, I'm one part robot and three parts asshole (retch).
 * Audience Member: Jesus, Christ!!!
 * : I mean am I right or am I (retch) screw it....
 * : I mean am I right or am I (retch) screw it....